and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
