Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
