# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
