she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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