it was like eating out sand paper
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
