oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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