So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
