bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
