My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
