just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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