The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
