I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
false alarm, still single
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