I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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