He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I AM VODKA MAN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
