i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
