Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
