Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
