just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
