You really coming over, don't trick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
