I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
