dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
