I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
