youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
