Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
