You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
