guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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