Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
