I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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