you guys were way drunker than both of me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
