My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
