she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we're so committed to being not committed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize