so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
