Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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