I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
