yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
