Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
