Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
