My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
