I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
