I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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