I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
