I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
