I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
