If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
