Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
