She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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