I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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