if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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