walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
