Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
