So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found puke in my bra..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
